Frustrations and Highs

tonight my blood sugar was 222 at 2hrs post prandial. I'm frustrated.

I feel so diabetical. So wanting to take insulin to bring it down to normal and in general impatient. I know it will come down on its own eventually, but that whole idea of waiting for it is very very non proactive and very unlike me.

I want perfection now! durn it!

I have islets! I want them to working like, well, islets and not lag behind like the impaired glucose tolerant little shits that they are as of late.

Pre-transplant I used to get so annoyed at people that whined about anything under 250 and now here I am whining about the occasional imperfection, but dangit I went through much to be where I'm at now, and it kind of freaks me out to think about facing transplant number two.

I keep waiting for it to happen. One of these times I'm afraid Dr. Transplant will say its time to be put back on the list and I think I'll cry.

It really wasn't fun. I can imagine it was a lot more fun then a full organ transplant would be but still, I had some complications because of my whacky anatomy (can you say situs inversus boys and girls?) and I was in large amounts of pain afterwards. I spent 9 days in icu because of a liver hematoma and I'd really like to avoid ever experiencing that again. However, that being said if/when they say I need a second islet transplant, I'll do it.

Maybe that gives some perspective on how much better I feel now then I did pre-islets? And maybe I should listen to myself and stop whining about the occasional high bs and quit stressing.

yeah, thats what I'm going to do. starting tomorrow...

maybe ;)